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Transcription of letters:

To my beloved FORE-ward friends, God have them in his hand the freedom of young? Thank you for everything,
Thanks to everyone

(underneath is a drawing Rene’ made of himself and his granddaughter, Carly, in a sailboat)


Not very happy the way things are, but after almost 85 years, why not say it’s almost over? I’ve had some good times and some bad times, but no complaints. Goodbye for now.


I’m afraid – scared of being alone- desperate – feel done – Wondering what I did to be going through all of this? – Life is so hard – angry – Not afraid to die – Afraid of what to do to keep me alive – Sometimes dying is easier – Don’t want to disappoint people in my life – Don’t want to be a burden to my kids – they should be experiencing life, not taking care of me- This is not living, this is shit. Depressed. Love life usually- I want to enjoy my kids, they mean everything to me. I don’t feel like I have a soul anymore. Feel like my soul and love of life is leaving. Don’t want it to. I want to be fun, free, loving- no worries, no cares – loose – love

Want to scream at the top of a big mountain, then dive into a lake and be free of ALL.



What I learned from the 5 years that I have been sick is that God has always been with me and the love of my son is what has given me strength to keep going forward with this sacrifice. ...And the love for God, I want to keep going until God wants me to-

thank you


One morning I woke up in bed, and felt rather tired so I decided to go back to sleep for an half hour or so- which I did.

I woke up 2 1⁄2 months later in a nursing facility!! I learned then what had happened to me.

After a surgery and the rehab I was taken home. I worked on my walking, getting around etc. for a bit and was getting along quite well, then got an awful stomach ache. So off I went to the hospital ER again.

After this, I felt awful because I seemed (to me!) in such awful shape after the CRASH! More doctors and not much improvement. Back to the hospital and testing.

So- it’s difficult because I have always thought of myself as quite healthy – going to the gym, camping, swimming and so forth. Now, I cannot do anything much! -Just wobble around from room to room, etc!! The most help I get is from knowing I have a terrific daughter (which is now making me cry) and very nice friends who are wishing the best for me and very good care givers.

When I get going again (which I fully expect), I will owe those who cared and helped me along.

THANK YOU, because there is nothing big enough to say what I feel.

p.s. I’d be a dead duck without Claud!


My name is Josefina Lopez
My mother died when I was 9 years old, I stayed with my grandmother. The old lady made me work taking care of children. Later on, I started to work cleaning houses and cooking - I was earning 12 pesos a month. I had very little left over since I was giving half of my salary to my grandmother. Some time went by and I decided to go to another place called Cajeme - nowadays named Ciudad Obregon. I continued working for a while until I went to another place, Ciudad Morelos - there I got married - I had 6 children. I always worked feeding the field workers and my husband always helped me. We had a restaurant that was called Los Sanchez, we did all right, my children went to school, some studied. Some of the children were very obedient and respectful. I had been married for 23 years when my husband had a car accident and died on the same day and I no longer wanted to work in the restaurant. I didn't feel like doing a thing, I got very depressed and my kids looked after our earnings. My children grew up, the first one Maria Elena and Tiranero the second one went to secondary school in Tijuana and Agua Caliente. When Tiranero left to study Middle School at Aguas Calientes I was very sad. After he finished his studies he got married. I suffered a lot- little by little, I was left alone, all my children moved to the USA but despite everything they still showed and still show their love towards me. I have this long life for one reason.

All my children are married, they have children and all of them are very loving, they show me their love. Maria Elena and my granddaughter Elinda are always taking care of me now that my health is not so good. From the bottom of my heart I am always grateful - I also have great grandchildren and they are very loving.


Today is Wednesday, September 25, 2012. I am in the hospital today. Today is the day I’ll be going home. But, I was hoping that I didn’t have to.
I still don’t feel too good. It means more work for my girl, but the doctor said to go home, and I feel so helpless. Unable to help myself. All I can do is pray to God for her to help, so I won’t be too much trouble at home. God is always with us. I hope I don’t come to the hospital again for a long time.


I lived at home with my mom and dad until I was 35 years old. I worked for Lockheed aircraft for 39 years. I met my wife in 1974. We were married in 1975. We were married for 35 years. She passed away in February 2010 of diabetes. She was married and divorced before I met her and her two great girls.


I am so thankful to my gardener Andres for picking me up and taking me to the doctors because he thought I was getting sick. I finally let him take me in and it turned out to be a cancer or a big blockage in my colon. After the doctor, Andres picked up me and my best friend since grade school, Steffani. Well I checked in and it was all so overwhelming. Blood, machines, shots...but I’ll make it. My best friend Steff just called me. She hasn’t left my side in days. She needs her rest, too. I’m praying in my head right this minute that the Lord is now helping and watching us both. She is a rock, my rock. Lord, God, guide us in both struggles. I’m good at helping her, not so much myself. I feel a bit funny at giving her the very same advice she gives me. Very Ironic. I need her to be strong and she needs me. I am being photographed now yet I yearn to help her. This feels now like a sick joke. Yin & Yang, The Captain and the Kid, stepping into a ring, ending up at the same starting point. A river of SAD, yet healing waters are coming. Fields and dreams, hopeful, yet far away is help. The Land of Oz. I pray there is not a charlatan behind a curtain, pulling it away. I wish I could clack my heels and go home but I am too far in. Only forward is my healing, only forward can I help Steffani and myself. I had a bad reaction to medicine and I know you can fool yourself into anything. I must not be fooled, I must face the way it is. I want the Lord to help me, and he will. I believe in miracles and I get miracles. So faith is a key in these things. I must trust and love, believe and disbelieve at the same time. Yin and Yang again. A long road. A new home. Gold and silver. Doctors and nurses. I have a niece, Jessica, Steff’s daughter- I’m not sure what she knows and does not know but she is tougher than I think. I must get stronger for myself, but I’m shy. Cancer, love, money, greed, smells. Jesus will find me a place. God heals, cancer kills. I will get out the other side and all will be. Good. I Love you, Trust you and Believe. I do believe now more than ever.


At this moment in my life I feel blessed for all the beautiful people that are with me through this journey. New friends, all friends and relatives who you usually see for the Holidays and now they’re always with me at any day or time of the day when they feel I need a friend’s hand to hold on. Having my dear husband, Raymond, who’s always by my side in good and bad times and for all the patience he has through this hard journey. My beautiful boys, Alfonso, 18 years, and Alexander, 17 years, who are still teenagers and this health situation -It must be very hard for both of them.

Still they’re doing well at school and trying to have a normal life just like their friends! I’m also blessed for having my mother, she’s been there for me through all this, and I want her to know how much I love her and appreciate her help. In conclusion, all the wonderful people who are there always for me like: my friend – Deonna, my brother, Anthony, Tata, Alfonso, my brother’s wife, Gabriella.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I will always love you. And of course special thanks to our Lord for giving me all I have until this day.


I feel like I am the luckiest man in the world. I have a wonderful wife, son and daughter, great grand children and great-grandchildren. No one could ask for more than that.


Ain’t I lucky!
I woke up – opened my eyes- and took a breath of air...I am alive. I am happy, healthy, loved, content and grateful. I believe you are what you think you are...
I am wonderful...
I am blessed...
I am here...
I have the best husband in the world-
I have 2 children, Nanette and Aaron-
I have 6 grandchildren-
I have a daughter-in-law and a son-in-law.
What else could I ask for?
I have life.

I want to wallow in “Why me?” but I also want to come out the other side a winner. Why do I feel so unprepared? Feelings have a way to evolve. Mine will continue to do so.


-Donald J. Landini

I am truly grateful to my Father God, in Heaven, for changing my life from death to life 40 years ago. I was going to take my life, nothing to live for. 30 years ago I was done, but Jesus Christ came into my heart and I was changed from darkness into his heavenly light. I have served the living God for 40 years, been across the United States, served in Mexico for 10 years in the mission fields. In prison, preaching the good news, traveled overseas, worked hard for my family. Even though they tell me I am going to die, bad liver, kidney, Hepatitis A.B.C., diabetes and several others found in my blood, I am using this open door for others to gather hope, to keep their faith alive. I have always said God saves the best for last – Holy Cross Hospital has been a blessing for me and my family. I thank the Good Lord for all the doctors, nurses, staff, cleaners of rooms, each and every one who has made our visit here a slice of Heaven. My family is now able to let me go home, but I’ll be seeing my Lord Christ soon.

God Bless everyone who takes part in this message. It took being here to be ready.

God Bless all,


My Life as a Whole

I’m in a stage of my life that seems that everything will be all right. I’m so happy and much contented and I do believe that I do have tomorrow ahead of me. There’s light that’s shining above my head that tells me that I’m beautiful and shining and I do have things to do and finally I’m good and tomorrow is just beginning to me.

Hurray for Life.

-Nelly Gutierrez

I don’t understand how one family can all get so sick. It really makes no sense, but I guess the universe never does.
I have been healthy my whole life and now I am struck with almost everything. My hands shake so much I can barely write.


-Odis Hartman – 3rd child of David and Mary Ida Hartman-

I’m alright. Dear Son, Here I am at 84, wondering what I will be doing in a year, if I’m still here. My life has been good in some ways and not so good in others. My faith, my love for others, my kids and my friends are what have kept me going. I was the best mother I knew how to be. My parents were wonderful. I’ve been so blessed


I have been quite sick for the past several weeks with stays, many times at Holy Cross and Cedars Sinai in Los Angeles. There have been many times that have given me chances to think of my life during this period. It has been a good life and it has given me a chance to think about all that has happened to me. I think I said it but I’ll say it again. My life has been a full life, I have had two wonderful wives, Beth and Pauline and nine wonderful children: Marsha, Linda Theresa, Bruce, Donna, Jennifer, Bijan, Jim and Kurt. We have 9 great-grandchildren also in this family. To live a good life I have tried to follow my mom’s philosophy, I added a couple of these to that.

1. Wake up every day and thank God for yesterday. Thank him for all that has been given to you and ask him for help for today. Ask him also to help you to forget yesterday, it is gone. Yesterday is a gone day. Today is fresh.

2. Forget yesterday – Live today

3. Love everyone that you meet, no matter what they are or what they do, try to love them, try to give them your feeling of love and acceptance.

4. Be responsible for all your actions and all your words. It’s so important that you don’t point to other people for your faults. If you say something bad, do something bad, accept that, own it...if you hurt somebody ask them for forgiveness.

5. Treat people kindly, accept them as they are, not as you think they should be - whatever they are, that’s them, make them your friend, if you can, and the further you strengthen your friendships, the happier you will be, I guarantee it. If you follow all these words of mom, by the way, her nickname was “Nana”, it will give you a fine life, trust me, it works!

To everyone: follow my mother’s wisdom, it works!!

-Ralph, Dad, Grandpa & Great-Grandpa